1/28/12 - In the Garden

I awoke Thursday morning feeling okay, not great, but better than the day before.  Bodhi and I went on our morning walk.  My fav cinnamon toast did not sound appealing to me, so for breakfast I had a small bowl of raspberries and blueberries... "superfoods!"  Just before Ric and I went out the door, I felt a slight twinge of nausea, so I grabbed the bottle of Phenergan and tossed it in my purse... just in case.  I arrived at work an hour and a half before air time, ready for the day.  As I sat at my desk, the twinge came back.  Could this be nausea?  A week after chemo?  Surely not.  One more, a little stronger... so I took the pill.  Walking down the stairs to the studio pretty much did me in.  Steve asked if I was okay, and I told him I would be. I saw a piece of pink paper and it made me sick.  I took a pen out of the drawer... it was green and made me sicker.  The colors on the calendar were nauseating.  I became sicker and sicker.  I can't remember exactly what happened next.  I think Steve came back in the studio.  I asked him to find Ric.  Seems like there were a lot of people around.  Ric was on the phone with the doctor.  Our friend Johnny took me home.  And so it began... more than 24 hours of dynamic nausea. 

Writhing in bed.  Groaning, sobbing.  Looking back I can imagine physical infirmities that would be far worse, but at the time, for me, it was agony.  At some point I recall moaning, "I can't do this.  I can't do this."  I don't know how long I said it, but I heard a sweet voice say to me, "Jeanne, say 'I CAN do this.'"  So I did.  I repeated it over and over.  And calmed down.  And I remembered that this too shall pass... this is temporary.  Instructions from Karen, my oncology nurse, were to alternate Phenergan and Zofran every four hours.  As it became clear that every four hours wasn't going to cut it, I began alternating every three hours.

Yesterday morning, Friday, I woke feeling better, but exhausted.  The nausea now only came when I sat up.  So kept up my Ph/Z regimen.  I was disappointed not to be able to take Ric to his chemo treatment.  I had planned to help him get settled in and then go to work.  However, I was still a little sick and had no strength to drive.  Thanks to our buddy, Matt, for getting him there!  Shortly after Ric left, I was in for another surprise.  I ran to the bathroom with extreme nausea and in utter pain.  As I started to gag, my arms and hands felt like electric shocks were going through them!  I tried to shake my arms, hold them in the air, put them down... worse, worse, worse.  I needed to call 911.  My phone was in the bedroom.  I couldn't leave the bathroom.  Finally, the nausea was over.  I let myself fall down onto the floor... my arms, hands and fingers still raging with shock.  I couldn't go anywhere.  The only thing to do was to try to breathe slowly and relax.  Eventually, everything subsided.  I went back to bed.  I slept.

Sometime in the afternoon, I awoke, felt good, and posted so on Facebook.  I was even hungry for the first time!  I ate a piece of toast, then felt slightly nauseous, just slightly.  Took a pill for it.  By evening, I felt I had made it through the fire!  Whew!  That was a tough one.  Ric and I ate dinner, watched some TV... both of us (the chemo couple) feeling good.

Little did I know I still had one more side effect to deal with:  sleeplessness!  Not surprising considering how much I had slept during the past two days.  I finished Ellen Degeneres' new book, "Seriously... I'm Kidding," studied Spanish verbs and grammar, posted on Facebook, emailed my daughter, started a new book by Elizabeth Berg, and when I could no longer concentrate on reading, played Bejeweled on my iPhone!  I watched the clock change from 1:30 to 3:00 to 4:31!  Even though I felt wide awake, I decided to lay down and see if sleep would come.  As I waited for sleep, I pondered turning on the computer and updating the blog.  But instead I woke up screaming!  You've got to be kidding me!!! A nightmare?  I dreamed that... no, it's too awful... don't even want it in writing.  Back to sleep.  Screamed myself awake again.  Changed position in bed. Two more.  Frightening, terrifying nightmares.  I lay there wondering when I would get a break... when I would have normalcy in my life again.  I felt so alone.  I prayed each time for a comfortable sleep.  Yet I had one nightmare after another.  I was angry, sad, and definitely not being brave.  The clock said 5:19.  I got out of bed, turned on the lights, walked around the house, and came back to bed exhausted.  This time I stayed asleep, but woke up very well aware that it had been a nightmarish hour and a half.

I went into the bathroom and took out my pony tail holder, and along with it came a handful of hair.  I've been well ready to lose my hair, and even have fun with wigs, but did it have to be this morning?  Did I really have to be kicked while I was down?  Really?  Brushed my hair, and threw a couple more handfuls in the trash.

Bodhi needed out, and I was ready to get out of the house.  Off we went!  I made it up the hill with no problem at all... the fresh air felt terrific... and Bodhi seemed happy to have me walking with him again.

So... Jeanne.  What now?  You finished feeling sorry for yourself?  Remember how you're always telling people that there's something to be grateful for in every day?  Eat your words, my dear!  Five things... write 'em down!

My Gratitude List:

1. The nausea is over.
2. I was able to walk Bodhi this morning.
3. My best friend since we were 3, Debby (who recently finished her own treatments for cancer), wrote to me last night telling me to remember that whether it's a good day or bad one "every day you wake up is a day closer to being healthy again."
4. My Spanish is better today than it was yesterday.
5. I had a visitor during the night...

♫ ♪ I come to the garden alone... 

while the dew is still on the roses...

And the voice I hear, falling on my ear...

the Son of God discloses... ♪ ♫

"In the Garden"?  Why was this old hymn running through my head?  I haven't heard it in years.

♫ ♪ He speaks and the sound of his voice... 

is so sweet the birds hush their singing... ♪ ♫

 "In the Garden"... my grandma's favorite hymn.  My grandma who died of breast cancer many years ago.

♫ ♪ And the melody that he gave to me, 

within my heart is ringing... ♪ ♫

Mamaw?  Are you here?!  Are you here, Mamaw?  You are!  It was your sweet voice that told me I could do this.  You've had me snuggled up to your chest this whole time.

♫ ♪ And he walks with me, and he talks with me, 

and he tells me I am his own...

And the joy we share as we tarry there, 

none other has ever known. ♪ ♫

Ahhhh... I was right back in the heart of my grandmother's home... the kitchen.  She was cutting out cookies and so was I, with my own tiny little set of cookie cutters.  Next, she'd make biscuits for dinner, and everybody would be there.  But for now, it was just me and Mamaw, in her big warm cozy kitchen.  I felt safe and secure by her side.  We giggled as she slipped me a piece of cookie dough to eat.

Did I start missing my grandma?  No.  No, not at all.  Because in those moments we were together.  You can't miss someone who's right there.  I realized then that memories are as real as physically touching someone.  I was in her kitchen.  I was in her vegetable garden.  We were on the back porch stringing beans.  I was helping her plant flowers.  It was as if I were 6 years old again in Keyser, West Virginia, on vacation at my grandma's house.  No, it wasn't as if... it was real.  Mamaw and I were together last night.

♫ ♪ And she walks with me, and she talks with me, 

and she tells me I am her own...

And the joy we share as we tarry there, 

none other has ever known. ♪ ♫

1/25/12 - A Difficult Day

Really, really tough start to this day.  My face is numb, yet hurts... my mouth is burning.  Extremely restless sleep last night, with disturbing dreams.  My body aches all over, especially my upper back and neck.  There is no comfortable position in which to sleep.  I did not expect this set-back.  I seriously debated about whether to go to work today.  I decided to push through.  This is only my first chemo treatment!  It's likely going to be more difficult with each upcoming treatment.  I can't give in now!  I'm aware it's a fine line between pushing through and pushing too far... I'm trying to make the best decision.

I'm at work now, and thought I was starting to feel better, but now I'm fading again.  Jeff told me that I'm free to leave early today, and I may end up doing that.  But for now, I'm going to keep pushing... and see what happens.

...

As the day progresses, I continue to feel worse.  Headache has set in, and I am so tired, it's hard to keep my head up and my eyes open.  I'm making mistakes on the air... it's difficult to form my words, because my face feels so numb.  I will leave work an hour early today... go home and go to bed.  Hope for better tomorrow.

...

Left work in tears because I felt so bad, and was so discouraged and disappointed. Came home and went to bed.  Slept for 3-1/2 hours.  I woke up feeling like I had rested, but could not move.  As I lay awake, the burning/numbness/aching started to overcome me again.  It's been almost two weeks since chemo... I should feel better than this... no, almost one week... I don't know... I can't remember how long it's been.  Do I have chemo next week?!  How will I do it?  No, two weeks away.  Fear overcame me.  What if I can't do it this time?  I'm scared.  I'm crying.  Crying.  I'm scared!  Ric comes running in the bedroom.  He comforts me.  I start to be aware again of where I am.  I sit up and Ric helps me to calm down.  He asks me how I feel and I try to describe these strange physical feelings.  I can't find the words.  He asks me if I've taken any pain medication.  No.  No, this isn't the kind of pain to take medication for.  Ric tells me that pain is pain... the doctor prescribed it for me for good reasons.  I thought I was supposed to wait for the bone pain that I had last time... I hadn't thought I could or should use pain meds for what I've been experiencing today.  With family members who have long been dealing with addiction, I have a tremendous fear of over-using medication.  My doctor and I had a long talk about use of pain medications and he assured me that I will not become addicted.  I worry that the use of the medication will affect my ability to think and talk.  Now I look back at my day and realize that was happening without the use of medication.  Ric and my doctor are right... I need the medication, and it will work to my benefit to take it.  I also knew I needed to get out of the bed and MOVE.  Sitting there was keeping me too much into myself.  I learned last time how important it was to move, and now I need to just do it!  Took the medication, went downstairs with Ric, ate a little bit, watched some TV and felt better.  Not terrific, but a little better. 

The lesson for today is not profound, but one I need to keep in the forefront of my mind as I manage the effects of chemotherapy:

Don't be afraid of the medicines to control side effects.  Trust those who are taking care of me.  Use what I need.  When I no long need it, I will not want it.  I am a vibrant, healthy woman, who has a temporary change of pace.  Nothing can change who I am.

1/24/12 - Sometimes You Just Gotta Shake Your Head and Laugh

After feeling so well on Sunday, I thought I would be totally back to "normal" by today.... and I AM indeed feeling good.  What's happening is as some side effects of the chemo subside, new ones are coming on.  There are some things I can no longer taste, like butter.  No problem - I don't need that anyway!  But bananas?  I love bananas.  Had one for lunch today, along with an orange, and could hardly taste either. 

It hurt to comb my hair this morning!  My scalp is very sensitive and a bit sore.  I'm guessing by next week, my hair is going to start to fall out.  I'm not going to try to hang on to it as long this time around.  When it starts to come out, I'll just cut it off and let Ric shave my head.  Unless he does it sometime while I'm asleep.  I don't know if it's that he enjoys the actual shaving of my head, or if he's simply eager for me to start wearing the red wig I got yesterday. 

Nice weather again today, so I took Bodhi for a long walk.  We live at the bottom of a hill, so the first part of our trek is always uphill.  I've been walking him since we got him in May, and the hill was no longer a task for me... until now.  By the time I reach the top, I'm a little out of breath and my legs are tired.  I guess the chemo has caused some muscle fatigue.  I'm going to keep on doing it though.  Going to be as good to my body as I can.

Yesterday morning, I had the stitches taken out from the port surgery.  Glad to have that done.  As far as the surgeries go, I am now pain-free!  I've regained full mobility of my right arm.  I continue to do stretches on this arm every day though, because it tightens right back up if I don't.  I'm very grateful for such good and quick healing in this regard.

And... I'm very glad to have finished taking the steroids... took last dose at 10:30 last night!  I slept very restless night before last, and last night I slept for only a couple hours. So tonight, I'm hoping for a good, restful sleep.  Ahhhhhh.

Coming up at the end of this week, Ric and I have another challenge.  Ric has been receiving various treatments for Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis for a couple years now, yet the disease continues to progress.  As a kind of last resort, Ric will begin chemotherapy on Friday!  He will have one treatment every 3 months.  Ric will have just one chemotherapy drug, so we're hoping the side effects won't be as extreme as mine.  We'll see.  One night not long ago, we sat on the edge of the bed, trying to decide how to schedule our chemo treatments so that we could take care of each other.  We joked around saying things like, "Did you think we'd be having this conversation when we met 11 years ago?"  Ric knew he was going to have to have these chemo treatments before I found out I had breast cancer again, and he's been putting off getting his treatment started.  But he continues to lose the use of his legs, and left arm... we can't put this off.  By the time he has his second treatment 3 months from now, I will be finished with chemo.  We're thinking of writing a book called "Who Gets the Toilet and Who Gets the Bucket?  One Couple's Journey Through Chemo."

Today's lesson:

Above all, keep a sense of humor!

1/22/12 - I'm Baaaaaaack!

Wow!  Woke up this morning feeling like a new woman!  Bodhi and I took a long walk together!  I came home and had a cup of coffee, cinnamon toast, read the Sunday paper... just like normal. I've needed to do some shopping for several days now, and so I took off to Pet Smart and Target!  It was like being in Disney Land!  A whole new world!  What used to be a routine chore, was now a delight!  I did not realize until this morning, what a fog I've been in for the past month.  And sunshine today to boot!

After I walked around for a while, I could feel the quivering inside again, but I felt great in spite of it.  I'm pretty sure this is a side-effect of the steroid I'm taking.  Thank goodness tomorrow is the last day. (I don't know why anyone would want to take steroids for any reason other than what is necessary for a health situation.  It makes me red and obviously jittery and uneasy.)  I continue to have the numbness too, but it's not getting any worse.  Also my gums are a little sore, as well as my throat.  I'm not getting a cold, this is one of the side-effects of the chemo drugs.  No complaints here... just jotting this down so that others recovering from a chemo treatment will be aware these are things to expect.  I'm not paying much attention to these minor things... I'm just happy to feel energetic and alive again! 

What has helped me to reach this point of exhilaration and getting back to feeling like Jeanne?

First... all the prayers, support, and loving energy sent my way... from family, friends, strangers... even from Mexico!  Muchas gracias por las oraciones, mi familia y mis amigos mexicanos!  Prayers and good thoughts really do make a difference.  I often felt like I was experiencing one gigantic hug!

Our friends from Unity Church have brought meals to Ric and I each evening since Thursday.  It was really hard for me to accept the food, but my friends made it clear that they wanted to do this for us.  What a tremendous help.  I didn't have to think about what we would eat, nor did I have to cook.  Nutritious and delicious meals were brought to us ready to go.  Thanks to Peggy for organizing everything!  (BTW, she used a wonderful website recommended by my friend, Judy, to organize the meals... Ric and I could even peek and see what we were going to have for dinner. :-)  It's called Take Them A Meal.  A great tool if you want to use it for people you know who could benefit from it as well.

My employers and co-workers at West Virginia Radio/V100 have made work absolutely stress-free for me.  They ask nothing more of me than what I've been able to deliver.  It's been clearly stated to me that my health comes first.  They cover for me with glad hearts!

So... all of this has enabled me to have plenty of time to rest, sleep and take good care of myself these past four days.  Not having to worry about meals, giving in to sleep whenever I needed it, not worrying about missing work... has allowed me the healing time I need.  I'm tremendously grateful.

I can't emphasize enough how much the meals have helped us.  If you know of someone trying to heal from any kind of surgery, if you do nothing else, feed them!  With breast cancer, in particular, I was fortunate enough to have a lumpectomy.  If you know of someone who had to have a mastectomy or double mastectomy, they're going to need a LOT more help.  And... I don't know how women with young children manage to get the rest they need.  Children require a lot of care... so if you can take the kids overnight, help get them ready for school, etc., don't hesitate to do it.  And they'll require food too!!!

I've been blessed.  Today's lesson:

Accept help when you need it...

let people have a chance to do a good thing.

Give help when you see a need... it heals.

1/21/12 - Thanks Bodhi!

When I came home from work today, Bodhi was ready to go out for our afternoon walk.  I was spent.  I let him outside on the chain in the front yard, which I seldom do.  When I let him back in, he followed me to the bedroom, waiting for me to change into sweats and jogging shoes.  Can a dog look disappointed when he sees you put on pj's instead?  He looked at me and barked, and whined.  Why doesn't he sense that I'm not able to do this right now? 

Later...

Tonight, I looked at Bodhi curled up on his blanket on the corner of the sofa, and I suddenly felt like going for a walk with him!  I asked him if he wanted to walk, and he jumped off the couch with excitement!  I changed clothes and off we went!  Although I love walking with him in the sunshine, I relish our nighttime walks too... so peaceful... just Bodhi and I walking along, me laughing at our long legs in the shadows of the street lights.  It felt good to breathe the cold air and fill my lungs with the outdoors. 

One of the things I really want to do differently during the chemo treatments this time around is to EXERCISE.  Last time, I stopped exercising, gained too much weight, and I'm sure I would have felt better if I would have maintained an exercise routine.  A friend of mine, Sharon, had her own bout with breast cancer soon after my first time... she is a runner, and kept right on running throughout her treatments.  She made me realize it was possible to do this.  (Thanks, Sharon!)  I have been walking in the mornings, but until tonight, had dropped off the other two walks Bodhi and I took in the afternoon and evening.  I realize I'm not going to be able to do 3 walks everyday right after a chemo treatment.  But I did realize I can continue to exercise often and daily!  I have to be in tune with my body's needs and be sensible about when to rest and when to move.  I can do that.  And I believe this little doggie of mine will sense when to push me out the door!  So I've learned...

Find a positive thing to do... and do more of it!

1/21/12 - Charting My Progress

10:00 am
Moving along, charting my progress.  Hope this helps those who need it.

Sleep was a little restless last night, as one medication with the side effect of drowsiness fought with another that causes insomnia!  I think I took Bodhi for a short walk yesterday morning... everything seems a bit foggy right now, as I slept so much yesterday.  I had a nice slow walk with Bodhi this morning... was glad he sensed that I could not walk at our usual fast pace.  I felt good after the walk, but then realized it was nearly time to go to work.  The V100 team alternates working the Saturday shift.  Jenny offered to work for me today (bless her kind heart), but I thought it would be good for me to work today, and ease back into my regular workday on Monday.  Saturdays are quiet air-shifts, with no contests, so a pretty easy workday.  So far, so good, but for anybody else, including me!, this would be a sick day.  I feel jittery inside. I feel a disconnect with what I'm doing - everything I normally do automatically here in the studio, I now have to stop and think about.  I feel kinda like I'm moving in slow motion as well.  Also, I'm all red!  I do not have a fever. I now recall that I looked this way for a while after chemo that I had 6 years ago.  It's either from the chemo itself, or the med I'm taking to prevent allergic reactions.  I only have to take it for a few more days.  I had a piece of cinnamon toast for breakfast this morning, and am happy that there is no nausea.  I have not even felt the need to take the anti-nausea medicine this morning... a good sign that I'm heading toward feeling better each day!

12:30 pm
My lips feel numb.  Mmmmmm... I usually only get this feeling if I've had an alcoholic beverage. :-)  But only 1/2 cup of coffee this morning, and lots of water!

1:00 pm
Feel a whole new wave of side effects coming over me now.  My hands and legs are feeling a bit numb right now.  Neuropathy is a side-effect of the Taxotere... guess that's what's coming on. A little scary.

2:45 pm
I think sleep is calling me again.  Good to be at work today... but looking forward to crawling back in my warm bed for a while.  Eager to watch DVR's of past week's American Idol episodes... hope I can do that with Ric this evening!

6:00 pm
Came home and tried to nap, but didn't sleep... the rest was good though!  Ric and I enjoyed some yummy soup and cornbread from our friend, Peggy.  The numbness in my body is starting to ease up a bit, but still there, along with the jittery feeling inside.  I'm not red anymore.  Actually feel pretty good this evening.  Settling in to watch my recordings of American Idol.

All in all, this first round of chemo was much, much easier that last time!  I'm used to feeling energetic and alert, and now I'm sluggish and my thinking process seems slowed.  I need to remember that I'm still within a few days of the chemo treatment and to give myself some time to feel "normal" again. I now recall a comment on one of my blog entries... this is what I need to do:  

"Smile, breathe, and go slowly."

~Thich Nhat Hanh

1/20/12 - Post from Ric

To Jeanne from Ric:

You make it sound like a mini vacation! Ha! You definitely have a wonderful perspective on all this! It inspires me to watch you shape your days, your way!

I know you "get it" because we walked down this road a little over six years ago, and even when we faced so many unknowns, you decided you were the victor, before the treatment protocols began!

You taught me something extremely important 6 years ago, and the lesson continues today. You decided very early that you needed to be public with your experience... The good, the bad, and the hilarious!
I recall, like it was yesterday, sitting in Mike Buxser's office. You, me, Mike and Rick Johnson. Mike expressed his concerns for you going public before you knew the extent of your condition. He likewise backed you 100% in whatever you decided. I was quietly hoping he'd talk you out of it...but he stepped right on your train and committed any resources to help you through that round. I thought, WOW! What's wrong with me??  I was more frightened of the proceedings than you!
I feared allowing too many folks to be open to this very sensitive and delicate life change.
You saw it differently, Mike trusted your judgement, and I found my place on the caboose!
Okay, I'm going to say it. Read this carefully...
YOU WERE RIGHT...I WAS WRONG.... Mike was wise.

It's back... We are on it. We know the routine. And I couldn't be more encouraged that the support of loving friends is just incredible and perhaps the most important ingredient in the healing remedy.
Now, I know you NEVER went into this with the idea of grabbing the public for support. No, you had one thought in mind: using the radio forum to help anyone who would listen. You wanted to lessen the blow to anyone who found themselves with a similar diagnosis. You were quite clear that radio was NOT your career choice. In fact, you are the same straight-A student who threw her books to the floor, and marched out of a classroom because you refused to give a speech!

Now, here you are in radio...
With cancer...
Talking to women every day in over 17 counties of West Virginia...
A voice with a message.
On the air,
In your blog,
In community speeches,
(And at home).
You are ministering, and being ministered to.
You are defining Grace, as you open yourself to receive it.
You are defeating cancer, by embracing it, then inviting it to leave you alone.
And you are exemplifying life, not by chasing after remedies, but by recognizing the blessings of life in every... EVERY aspect of living it.

You are a blessing to our little corner of the world... Our little family of West Virginians... And to your partner and good buddy, Ricky.

I've often passed along a favorite quote of mine, long before I realized you would be my best living example of it's proclamation:
"Don't tell God how big your mountain is... Tell your mountain how big your GOD is.
You are quite amazing Jeanne K. Your husband is a lucky guy.

1/20/12 - Day After Chemo

Slept extremely well last night!  No vomiting.  No pain.  I'm thrilled.  However, as I got up and started moving around, I felt this trembling inside, and started to have slight waves of nausea.  Then one big wave of nausea... so to head it off, I took a pill to stop that!  I'm always so hesitant about taking  medications, thinking I need to hold out as long as I can.  Dr. Cohen taught me last time to stay ahead of the pain (and now nausea) by taking the meds I've been prescribed at the first sign of a problem, indicating to me that I will not get addicted, because my body actually needs these medications.  So I'm following doctors orders... and it's working.  I'm so very fatigued.  I'm going to lay my head on a pillow now.

1/19/12 - First Chemo Day - Part II

Signs
As I was packing my chemo bag to take to the cancer center this morning, I accidentally knocked over a picture of my parents.  My dad passed away three years ago, and one year ago, my mom went into a nursing home because of Alzheimers.  My dad always teased me about being clutzy and clumsly, so I knew his way of getting my attention this morning was to catch me in the act!  I picked up the photo, and there was Daddy looking right at me, telling me he would be with me during this day!

Upon arriving at the David Lee Cancer Center, I was greeted by the warm, friendly smile of a beautiful lady.  I asked her name.  Bertha.  Bertha!  That was the name of my beloved grandmother!  Mamaw died of breast cancer.  I miss her.  But I was so delighted to meet this "new" Bertha, and know that this sweet and lovely lady would be greeting me each time I come here.  My friend, Jamie, posted on Facebook that she believed this was a sign that my grandmother was right by my side through these treatments.  I agree.  I thought either it was a sign that Mamaw was there too... or an angel my grandmother sent for me!

God is good.  Always.

TREATMENT

I'm sitting here hooked up to chemo and wrapped up in a prayer quilt from a group of ladies at St. Mark's UM Church and a prayer shawl made for me from a group of ladies at Mount Juliet UM Church!  And when we get home later this afternoon, there will be a nice meal in our kitchen from our friends at Unity church.  I am warmed in more ways that one!

I have so far received 3 or 4 anti-nausea medicices thru my port and into my system.  Chemo #1 is pouring in now.  Chemo #2 is up next.  I feel great!  The folks here at DLCC treat everyone so wonderfully.  At first, I was not in a cancer center, but in a first class hotel.  But then it got even better!  Ric and I were brought snacks and drinks by both staff and volunteers, checked see if we needed anything, including blankets and pillows.  Best of all they answered all my questions thoroughly, quickly and without judgment. We are so blessed to have such great care all around us.

Home from chemo now... it's almost 8:00 pm and I still feel really good!  Those anti-nausea meds delivered with the chemo must be helping!  My eyes feel a little heavy and I sometimes feel like I'm moving in slow motion, but I feel fine!

Gotta go drink water right now... lots and lots and lots and lots of water!  I have to get all these medicines through my kidneys as soon as possible.  So maybe I won't get so much sleep tonight.  It's all ooooooookya.  I'm healing!

Ending the evening with one fun thing... they gave me a bag full of a bunch of stuff donated by local business and individuals today!  My goodie bag was filled with things like breast cancer awareness bracelets, food guide for reference while going thru chemotherapy, a journal, pen, a terry cloth cap to wear at night after I am bald... thankful for that one - I had to wear one the last time because my head was so cold even in the summer.  Also got these pads to fit over the car seat belt to cushion the area where the port is, some food samples and more!  I couldn't help but recall the first time I did a remote broadcast for an expo at the Civic Center.  As my co-worker, Randy, and I walked around gathering up post-it notes, pens and other free items for our goodie bags, Randy saw how much fun I was having, and looked at me and said, "I've always called this Businessman's Trick-or-Treat."  I laughed and laughed.  So yesterday I had my own little Chemo Woman Trick-or-Treat, only I didn't have to walk around collecting things... Bertha kept bring them to me!

1/19/12 - First Chemo Day - Part I

3:00 am. 
Not asleep yet. I try. I'm relaxed, comfortable, my eyes are even closed. But I do not sleep. I am not worried about chemo tomorrow... 'er later today at this point. I'm thinking about things I need from Target and Kroger and Pet Smart when my paycheck gets deposited.  I'm thinking about how much I love to walk with my dog, Bodhi. And about how long we've had our cats, and how Dot, especially, likes to take care of me. I think I started to drift off, but woke to the sound of Mokie delivering up a hairball. Dang, she was at the bottom of the bed too. Most landed on the floor. Cleaned up the mess. I went to get clean sheets and found I had not gotten around to washing the extra set, so gathered them up, and downstairs to the laundry room I went. Another thing I thought about when I was trying to sleep was that I forgot to make coffee for the morning, so I did that on my way thru the kitchen. Knocked over the pitcher of water and cleaned that up. Was pretty wide awake by this time, so I put away the dishes I had left to dry. And filled up the animals' water bowls.

So why can't I sleep? Steroids. I have to take them before a chemo treatment to prevent an allergic reaction. Crap!  The washer is making that unbalanced sound. Guess I shouldn't have added those few towels. Better go back downstairs to rearrange. (Left the scene.) Im back! I remembered that this medicine caused sleeplessness, but thought it came later in the game, and after I'd taken all the doses. I've only taken 2 of 12!

It's almost 4:00 now. My eyes feel heavy, but my body feels charged up. I guess I'm finished writing. I think the washer stopped. Back down to flip stuff into the dryer. Burning calories in the middle of the night! I feel like being ornery... maybe I'll switch everything around in the kitchen cabinets on my way back thru! Gotta keep Ric on his toes.

8:00 a.m.
Apparently pushed snooze many times on my alarm clock, but Bodhi woke me up at 7:00.  We went for our morning walk.  Got back home to find everything still in their proper places in the cabinets.  Don't know what happened to that idea.  I'm glad I didn't change things around... I would have confused not only Ric, but myself!  Must have drifted off to sleep sometime after 4:30.  Feeling a little sluggish this morning, and a little down.  I will likely sleep through a big part of the chemotherapy today.  Okay, I'm not feeling down anymore... saying those words out loud... or writing them... always seems to help me feel better.  I'm ready for this.  It's a great day to be a Mountaineer Chemo Patient!

1/18/12 - Pregnant Pauses

Prayer Quilt

My first chemotherapy treatment is tomorrow.  It popped up on my Google calendar today.

I'm a little excited!  I get to sit in a comfortable chair tomorrow for 5 hours and read, study Spanish, play games on my iPhone.  If I need anything someone will bring it to me!  Cool way to spend an afternoon, right?  Then, why do I have these periodic pauses in my day, where my heart beats faster and I get a little lump in my throat?  Perhaps it's the memory of the chemo nurses, covering themselves with headgear and masks and gloves and special outer protective clothing  before they inject toxic chemicals into my bloodstream.  Maybe it's knowing that despite feeling like I could jump high in the air and do a split right now, by tomorrow evening, I could be hanging my head over the toilet and keeping a bucket beside my bed.  Or maybe, it's the memory of waking up Ric with my screams from the bone pain that comes from one of the chemo drugs. 

Ah!  I just remembered what someone told me five years ago... "Chemo is hard... but it's doable."  Yes, she was right.  I hung onto that phrase the last time.  That, and "Temporary."  Yes, this is doable and it's only temporary.  I will survive the cancer... and the treatment!

Except for those infrequent pregnant pauses, I really do feel great right now.  I'm out of pain, well-rested, strong and by golly... I'm emotionally stable!  I quickly dismiss those moments of fear by reminding myself that not only will I be strong and healthy when the treatments are all over... I am strong and healthy NOW!  Yes... underneath the sickness and pain will be the body of a tough and vibrant woman, clawing her way back to the top.  It'll be fairly easy too, as I'll have this smooth sleek shiny aero-dynamic head with which to propel myself through the muck!

Prayer Shawl

Also adding to my (mostly) comfort level:  I went to David Lee Cancer Center (hereafter DLCC) yesterday for pre-chemo lab work.  It was the first time for my newly inserted port to be used.  Ah, I love my port!  Felt no stick... there's was no jabbing around to find a good vein... and I couldn't see the blood.  It was well worth the little surgery to have the port, knowing there's a lot of sticking coming up in the next several months, not to mention the main reason to have a port - to protect the veins.  Love my port... love my nurses, Linda and Karen, at DLCC.  Already packed in my chemo bag for tomorrow, is a prayer quilt and a prayer shawl to keep me warm (in more ways than one).  It's all going to be okay!

1/14/12 - The Proper Way to Sling Mud

Today's entry has little to do with having breast cancer.  I am glad to say that although I feel a little beat up physically... scars on the right... scars on the left... I have no pain, just some slight discomfort.  Emotionally, I feel terrific!  It's a normal day... as normal as it gets in the Cochran household.  You see, Ric and I aren't always politically correct in the privacy of each others company.  So today, I'll let you peek inside our living room and see what makes us say "Good Grief!!!"

I love my newspaper, but it drives me crazy to read the Reader's Voice or Ventline, unless... Ric has written his politically incorrect comments alongside the entries.  Today, I'm up early and Ric is still slumbering, so I decided to venture in there on my own.  There were two comments that stunned me.

"I have to admit I was on the fence about the whole mountain-top removal issue, but after finding out the Bible supports it, I support it too.  Thank you to our surface miners and God bless you." 

Well, now we can really be angry with ESPN's Brad Nesslor... for heaven's sake, even the Bible refers to West Virginia! 

But here's the one that made me LOL louder than I will at any other point during this day:

"The really sad thing about the Republican primary is the mean, vicious and twisted distortions being leveled at other Republicans.  Those type of attacks are supposed to be used only against President Obama and other Democrats."

Can someone please come and help me up off the floor?

1/12/12 - Chemotherapy Scheduled

Slept pretty well last night with the help of pain medication, but when I sat up in bed this morning, I was in some intense pain, even into my shoulder.  It hurt to breathe and to swallow.  I was actually near tears it hurt so bad.  I thought about posting on Facebook, "Please pray that I don't sneeze today."  I had planned to go to work today, but wasn't able.  Was that a problem for my employer, West Virginia Radio?  NO!  They are interested in my health and well-being first, and my V100 team is happy to cover for me.  I'm surrounded by big hearts!

Received the call from David Lee Cancer Center this morning, and chemotherapy will start next Thursday, January 19.  I'm ready!

My friends from church have offered to bring meals to us for several days after the chemo treatment.  It's really hard for me to ask for or receive help, but I have to think of my Ricky too!  He has to eat, so that made it easier for me to respond to Peggy's email and tell her chemo is about to start.  Thank you, Ric, for being a Hungry Man!  The meals will really be a major help, and Ric and I are deeply appreciative to those who will be bringing food to us.  Another worry taken away.

I'll have chemo every 3 weeks, 4 treatments in all.  Last time my treatments were more aggressive, every 2 weeks.  So seems like I'll have a little more recovery time in between chemo sessions.  Sounds good to me...Let's get this thing going!

Ric posted this picture and a request on Facebook for suggested colors for a wig, hinting that he likes red.  So most of the "votes" were for red, which would be my last choice.  I had a reddish wig last time that I hardly ever wore, because I just didn't think it looked good on me.  I might consider a compromise of brunette with red highlights.  Maybe.  I'm leaning toward medium blonde (like my hair used to be and like my daughter's is now) or light brown (a shade or two lighter than my hair color now).  Whatever I choose, I'll have fun with it.  And no curly hair... it's my chance to have straight hair without spending an hour with a flat iron!

I'm a little afraid to go to sleep at nights now and think maybe I should hide all the scissors in the house.  Ric is way too eager to shave my head!  A woman really can't wait for all her hair to just fall out... it's way too messy, so at some point it will have to be cut and then shaved.

I think the last time my hair started to fall out after about two weeks.  I'm starting out with different chemo drugs this time, so I'm not sure what to expect.  Is there anyone out there who started with Cytoxan & Taxotere who remembers when the hair loss started?  Just realized, soon it'll be Mokie, Dot, Bodhi and me who will be shedding... Ric will be the only one not losing any hair!

1/11/12 - Power Port

Surgery to insert the port in my chest went well today.  I'm glad to be able to make use of this cool little piece of technology.  I had a port five years ago and it really made chemo a lot easier.  This time I have the new Power Port!  I push a little button and my husband does whatever I want him to do!  Oh, I wish...

Seriously though, it enables my medical team to give medicines or fluids and/or take blood samples through the port.  With this little gadget, there is no need to stick the veins in a person's arms or hands with a needle.  The port makes having chemo and bloodwork more comfortable.  Because the port places medicines into a large central vein, the medicines mix better in the blood.  The medicines are also diluted so they are less harmful to the veins.  A very good thing.  This new Power Port also allows for power injections for use with medical imaging like CT scans and MRI's!

Some disagree though.  This morning an irate woman came to the radio station just before Ric went on the air and told him I should have never had lymph nodes removed and that I should not have the port inserted!  She had very strong opinions about it, saying she had just been to Cleveland Clinic for her treatments and we are doing it all wrong here.  Well, lady... I've already had lymph nodes removed and cancer was found in four of them, and my surgery for the port to be inserted is scheduled for this afternoon.  Ric told her that he and myself are fully aware of all the options for treatment and feel completely comfortable with all our decisions.  I can't believe someone would barge into our workplace and start giving her opinion on what she believes I have done wrong and that what I'm about to do is wrong!  Wish I could remember everything Ric told me he said to her, but he let her know she was out of line.  Now, I have no problem with people sharing their own stories and offering suggestions... but this lady was rude... and was sure she knew it ALL! 

She could be right... who knows.  But at this point, based on information and statistics provided by my doctors and research Ric and I have done on our own, we have made decisions that we believe are right and are proceeding in that direction.  I welcome words from anyone who truly wants to help me, but not from someone who's just looking for a soap box to stand on.  Grrrrrr.

1/10/12 - Brunette or Blonde?

After my weekend of tons of sleep (any more and I would have gone into hibernation), I have been feeling TERRIFIC... back to my old self again!  Yesterday after work, I finally dug into the laundry that needed to be done, and several other household chores.  I was actually enjoying doing "muh chores!"  Also I received some good news at work that relieved a ton of stress.  I am ready, Cancer, to show you the way out! 

BTW, I'm not much of a fighter.  Even when I've lost my temper, I always look back knowing I could have handled it better.  So, I don't "fight" cancer.  I'm not in a battle.  I think there are better uses of my energy.  Both times I've had cancer now, I've learned a lot from having a serious disease, and I've had experiences that wouldn't have happened and come to know people that I wouldn't have met otherwise.  So, with a promise to myself to keep my eyes and mind open to new things, I tell my little guest that it has now overstayed it's welcome, and that it's time to leave.  When I receive chemo, I will experience it as God's healing light moving through my body.  My physicians, nurses and God will work together.

Marching forward now... I have another surgery tomorrow to insert the port for chemo delivery.  I should read my own 2006 journal to make certain, but I'm pretty sure this will be an easy surgery.  I'll be working tomorrow until 1:00 and then leave for the hospital for the surgery to implant the port at 2:00.  And hopefully be back at work on Thursday.

When I heal for a week or two from that surgery, we'll begin chemo.  Gotta go now and order a wig.  Brunette or blonde or something in between?  (Not red... I tried that last time and it just didn't work.)  Whattya think? 

1/8/12 - Don't Worry, Be Happy

On Friday night, I slept for 14 hours! Woke up at 1:30 only because Ric sent a text to me from Pittsburgh, and I heard the ding on my iPhone. I did get up at 6:30 a.m. and took Bodhi for a short walk, but then crawled back into my comfy warm bed. Last night... 14 more hours of sleep (with a brief early morning walk with my dog) and a nice long walk with Bodhi this afternoon... I think I made good use of the weekend for some healing. Ric's poem (on my Friday blog post), a very helpful phone conversation with my daughter, Jill, (who teaches me more and more every day), yesterday's fun visit with my friend, Jennifer, and Aila Accad's advice on de-stressing... also "helped make me the woman I am TODAY."  :-)

Here's Aila's advice on de-stressing:


A future focused mind worries... Stress is all about not feeling in control.  Any future event is fertile ground for stress, since your mind can't come up with anything that can control the future.  A worrying mind goes around and around the same thoughts with no solution.  This builds a case for fear, anxiety & ultimately panic!  Trying not to worry doesn't work.

What can you do?  Here are two tips...

Put that future oriented mind to work in a positive direction by creating a Vision of the future you want rather than worrying about the one you fear.  

Be Grateful.  When you find yourself worrying make a decision to think about one thing you are grateful for in that moment.  

See more at Aila's website:  Creating a Vision Board

1/6/12 - Where Did I Go?

I don't feel like myself anymore.  I slept thru my alarm for over 30 minutes this morning, and even when I finally woke up to the sound of the radio, I still didn't realize I needed to get up and just pushed snooze, 4 or 5 more times.  When I noticed it was daylight, I "came to."  I'm aware I've been extremely tired, and thought it was because I had two surgeries in a week's time... but it's been 3 weeks since my last surgery!  Anyway, got up and moved as fast as I could.  Got to work, encountered a problem, and now I'm trying to stop crying and pull myself together.  I thought I would breeze thru everything this time around.  My cancer stage is even lower than last time.  What's wrong with me?  I don't even feel like me this morning.  I really don't recognize myself.  I'm even a little scared.  What is going on?  I have a half hour to pull myself together before going on the air.  I always feel better then... yes... in a half hour, I'll probably be okay.

Phone rings... it's Ric calling from Pittsburgh, because of my poor-me text I sent to him.  He told me to let everything go and just remember that God is with me in this and holding me tight.  He also told me to be sure to smile at other people I see today, and maybe tell them something nice.  (I do that anyway, but I think he's guiding me to focus less on myself right now... which is good.)

A little later, I received this email from Ric:

Come here to me sister... I will pull you close and you will sense my humanness... And my Godliness.

I am your brother, and I am your father.

I am your friend and I am in you always.

I am weeping real tears with you, for your tears, are my tears.

The cloudiness of the day is on the verge of lightening. It always is soon to be brightening!

If it should seem too long and unbearable,

blink once, and I have blinked with you.

Breathe once, and there too am I, expanding our lungs and drawing in the the essence of our human sustenance.

But, close your eyes and quiet your mind...in that space, you and I are one love, one life, already basking in the brightest of lights!

We break bread, we laugh out loud, we weep over our losses and celebrate our victories!

I entered this place, beloved, as you twitched and turned in the womb of our sister.

I was there as you offered your own womb as an entrance for our growing family!

I was there in every struggle, all strife, the ever changing and rearranging of your temporary life...as I am now, and will surely always be.

I will be your eyes as you choose, your thought when you call on me, and I will walk with you hand-in-hand into your peace and eternal glory... If need be, I will carry you.

I am always so pleased when you think of me. It humbles me beyond belief that, in all we have walked through together, you still hold me in your soul... That you sense my love, and know that I am always next to you. No... Within you, in this breath, in this day, in our pain, and especially in our celebration!

I did not come to stand apart from your suffering. No, we came to this world, (this imperfect realm), together,

to face imperfection head on!

We are discovering the truth of this place and its darkness, while all the time keeping our eyes on the perfect, infinite love-light that is forever whispering;

Daughter Jeanne...

"Here... Sweet one...

I am. right here"!

He loves us so much!

(...let's go tell someone who doesn't know!)

With Light and Love,

Your brother,

Jesus

BTW, I had a feeling after reading it through again that Ric wrote this, so I emailed him back and asked him.  He said, "I prayed for you and asked for a word for you. This is what I got. I looked for inspirational quotes and couldn't find any that I liked, so, I prayed and asked God to use me. This is what he said. That's why I told you to read it over again. He really loves you!!"

1/5/11 - Moving Forward

I'm Fine!  Just Fine!

On Tuesday, I had an appointment with Dr. Cohen at David Lee Cancer Center.  I'm not a fan of late day appointments, because there's usually more waiting time.  And although I long for doctors to control the waiting time better, I know the reason why things get backed up by the end of the day.  I was reminded first-hand today, when Dr. Cohen spent a long time discussing my treatment with Ric and me.  But before the doctor came in...

Even though I've had some really good days, I've been back to being extremely tired by the end of the work day, and of course arrived at the cancer center in that condition.  I was called back shortly after I arrived, but then sat in the examining room for over an hour.  I was clothed in my jeans and a hospital gown on the top half of me... a hospital gown so gigantic it felt more like I had nothing on, and could not keep the opening in the back closed.  My back was freezing.  Sitting on the end of the examining table was also making my cold back ache!  (Yeh, I know... poor me.)  I had run out of patience, and in my fatigued state, started to cry.  Ric told me I needed to talk to my doctor about an anti-depressant.  Seriously, I'm fine, I told him... just tired of waiting.  So I jumped off the table, held my gown together in the back, and marched out the door to find out if the doctor was still there, while Ric was saying, "Don't do that."  Dang, I don't want to be the bitchy patient.  But I couldn't quit taking the steps to find some tired-after-a-long-day nurse to bitch to. When I found one, I was assured that the doctor would be with me very soon.  Went back to the room, and tried to stay angry, simply because I thought that would mean I was stronger.  But instead my head took the pathetic route and I started to cry again, actually sobbing, asking Ric what happened.  Once again, I was happy, healthy and walking my dog three times a day... and once again, I'm told I have CANCER!  I thought it would be easy this time... and in many respects it is easier... but, here I am... I bundle of emotions once more.

Dr. Cohen came in and apologized for being late, and expressed his sadness that I had cancer once again, and said I could have the whole box of tissues.  I became nice again. 

Treatment Plan

He thoroughly and clearly explained to Ric and I four different treatment options to consider.  Because my cancer was strongly ER and PR positive, I will definitely be taking Arimidex after the chemotherapy.  (It's a good thing that I was ER/HR positive because there are meds to prevent recurrence of this type of cancer.) The type of cancer this time was highly dependent on estrogen and progesterone to grow.  The Arimidex will stop estrogen production, which will help prevent recurrence.  (Types of Breast Cancer)  I asked Dr. Cohen if I would grow a beard if I had no estrogen.  He said I was the first patient to ever ask that question!  He assured me that I would not, unless I decided to take testosterone for some reason.  LOL!

Before taking Arimidex, I'll receive chemotherapy.  I had 4 treatments of Adriamycin 5 years ago.  Because of the risk of heart muscle damage, a person can only have 6 treatments of this chemo drug in a lifetime.  Taking 2 more treatments is doable, but the risk of having some heart damage is more likely.  Because there is only about a 2% less chance of a recurrence of cancer, I opted not to take Adriamycin this time.  Additionally, since this cancer was so strongly ER/PR positive, it is not certain, but quite likely that the Arimidex will be very, very effective for me.  (The more estrogen/progesterone receptors there are, the better the medicine works!)  So why take a chance on heart damage, when the Arimidex is likely to be quite beneficial for me?

This time I will receive 4 treatments of a combination of Cytoxan and Taxotere, three weeks apart, for a total of 12 weeks of chemotherapy.  (Last time it was 8 treatments every 2 weeks for a total of 16 weeks.)  Chemo will be followed by radiation and that plan will be determined by a radiation oncologist at a later date.  (Chemotherapy Medicines)

Before I start chemo, I will have to have the one more minor surgery to insert a port for the chemo delivery.  Dr. Cohen with coordinate with Dr. Covelli as to when this procedure can be done.  There will be some healing time and then chemo will start.  So now, I'm waiting again.  That's okay, though... I'm familiar with the waiting by now... and when I can wait at home or at work without a big hole in my clothes to let cold air in... I wait without much complaining!

Present state:  Healing very nicely.  I'm using cocoa butter on the scars... that keeps them soft and helps them to heal without lumps or ridges.  I still have a little swelling under my arm and the feeling that my arm has been burned (which it hasn't... it's just an effect due to the surgery irritating the nerves), but that is getting better each day.  I recall now how horrified I was when I saw my breast the day after the second surgery... but except for the scars, it has returned to a normal shape and doesn't look bad at all!  I suppose when all the swelling goes down, it'll be a little smaller than the other one... but that's okay - I'll just make sure I turn my perky side toward the camera.

1/1/12 - Eat, Pray, Love

For three days now, I have been normal.  (Ric... I know you will read this.  So, no comments, please.)  What I mean, is... my emotional hysterics are over.  The immense fatigue has passed.  I feel terrific!

Last Thursday evening, I went to a going-away party for a friend who's moving out of the country.  At that party were many other friends, several of whom are also breast cancer survivors.  All of these women who were at the party are ones I consider very, very special.  I felt a powerful energy just being in their presence.  I also had a chance to hear again some of their experiences with breast cancer, which provided reassurance to me that I would be well again.  Marianne even gave me a gentle shoulder and upper back massage.  Ever since that night, I've just felt lighter and more free and joyful.

I don't mean to discredit the source of strength Ric has been to me.  And many others, who've wished me well, brought food and gifts to us,  and prayed for me.  Ric even encouraged me to go to the party.  It's just that it all came together AT the party.  I was in an environment that was a celebration.  Not for me, but for my friend moving away.  But a celebration nonetheless.

So, the lesson here?  Ladies, when you're in a slump... surround yourself with a bunch of WOMEN you love... eat, laugh and be merry!

1/1/12 - Preventing Lymphedema

After an axillary lymph node dissection, several precautions must be taken, for the rest of your life, to prevent lymphedema (major and painful swelling) in your affected arm.  Among them:  You can no longer have your blood pressure taken in the arm or be stuck for blood work or IV's.  It is up to YOU to tell a nurse or doctor not to take your blood pressure or draw blood from the affected arm or hand!  Other precautions:  Don't let the arm get sunburned, try to avoid injury to the arm (not that we ever intentionally injure ourselves), do not lift anything heavier than 15 lbs., and avoid repetitive motion with the arm like mowing the yard or raking leaves.  I developed a little swelling in my arm after first getting our dog, apparently from the tugging on the leash.  I switched arms after that, but now have become more consistent in not allowing him to pull on the leash at all.

The following is a link from the Susan G. Komen website that explains what lymphedema is, causes and treatments, and how to reduce the risk of getting lymphedema.

Lymphedema

Tip:  I always carry a little tube of Neosporin in my purse in case I get a cut.  I also wear a compression sleeve when I fly.  Ah, that reminds me... I'm going to need to stop by Bohl Medical and get another one... because I do intend to fly again... in more ways that one!  :-)

1/1/12 - Exercises After Breast Surgery

If you have lymph nodes removed... this is VERY IMPORTANT!  As soon as you are discharged from the hospital, begin doing arm exercises to keep your arm from "freezing up."  You will not regain mobility in your arm if you skip doing this!  You need mobility for everyday life, but also you will need to be able to raise your arm overhead for 20 minutes to receive radiation therapy.  So, as painful as it can be... you must do this.

After my first lymph node surgery 5 years ago, Dr. Covelli told me to do these exercises and assured me that I would not hurt anything or pull stitches loose.  (I needed to hear that!)  The key is to do the exercises 4 times a day, and gradually attempt to stretch a little further each day.  I did them then and quickly regained full mobility of my arm.  I do them now as well, and am amazed at how much I have recovered so far.  The top two to do are arm reaches, where you walk your fingers up the wall (from your side and facing the wall), and try to go farther each time.  It helps to have some gauge of how you are progressing... for me I used the wall next to a large painting and remembered the position where I started on my first day!  The other is to do arm circles in both directions.  I also like lying down on the bed and letting my arm fall back behind me over my head.  Here is a link to additional exercises:

Exercises After Breast Surgery

When I first start, there seems to be a "string" or two of muscle that is particularly painful.  I made no effort whatsoever to "break" this string... I just gently stretch to the point where I feel I shouldn't go any farther.  After about a week, I no longer have that particular sensation.  There does continue to be a point of pain, however, so don't go past that... just keep gently stretching as far as possible and hold it for a minute or so, and although it seems slow, the muscles will stretch again.  It's been 2-1/2 weeks since my last surgery and as of today, I can bring my arm all the way up!  It's not completely comfortable, but I can get it there.

But I'm not finished!  I will need to do these exercises for the next couple years!  Yes, years.  It is very easy for the affected arm to tighten up, so make it a regular habit to keep doing the stretches often.  As time passes, it won't have to be 4 times a day, but by then you'll welcome feeling the stretch and find yourself reaching up to touch the top of door frames!  LOL!